I can't believe all that can happen in a span of five years. I think I am going to start writing from our current setting and then fill in the information missing with some flashback posts just to catch up.
Currently, I am back in the city with the kids, while DH is at our ranch taking care of animals and working at local jobs in the area. The split is a challenge, but definitely building us stronger as we learn to increase communication skills and appreciate time together in a whole new way.
Last year, I homeschooled four of the kids. It was challenging with the timing of events because each time we had a field trip of some sort we would have to race back for the public school kids to get home. It cut our fun down significantly. This year, I decided to just go for it and homeschool the kids 10th grade and down. I have 10 that I am homeschooling this year. It's never a dull moment.
I feel like the biggest dilemma is finding some quiet time for me. I am an introvert. I truly need quiet time, and more importantly alone time....which is now non-existent! I knew it was going to be busy, but there's something I didn't take into account. The kids had teachers, aides, peers, and a lot of other people in their lives to share their stories with as well as share our life events. Now they do not. Now I hear the same story 8 times a day. There are days that I wake up ready to hear five kids talk all at the same time and then there are the other days. The days where my closet looks really comfortable, it's beautifully cool and quiet, I could bring snacks, a pillow, my latest Karen Kingsbury novel and really enjoy myself...for at least two minutes, until they find me!
Self-care is this area of mom guilt. Taking time for myself is also meaning that I am taking time from my kids. My wonderful kids that I cherish and love and need a break from all at the same time. I understand the concept of being well-charged and rested makes me a better a mom all the way around. I know I need a good night's rest and sleeping from 1-5am doesn't qualify. I'm working on little remedies for this situation, but it's a trial and error process.
My youngest go to bed at 7pm. I know it's early, but it's needed. My oldest are in bed by 8:30pm on an ideal night. This gives me an hour and a half to do the chores that the kids skipped, forgot, or ignored as well as be on the phone with the DH to download our days. There are days that the communication is just too much. Days that I say, "That's nice, do you have anything else to share? If you don't, I need quiet." In the beginning, the DH took offense to this. Now, he knows and respects that it has nothing to do with a lack of interest but rather an entire overload of my day and I need to decompress. I am so grateful that he's learned this about me and can love me through being overwhelmed.
I feel like doing some blogging, although it is adding another part to my day, is going to add an outlet for me to just be myself. With the kids, I know my words are always calculated and weighed out with the way I speak as to be encouraging and uplifting to the best of my ability. (I will be honest, I sometimes need to take a deep breath before responding because my initial reaction isn't always encouraging. I am human after all.) It takes more effort to think before speaking, but I can't expect the kids to learn this if I can't do this myself. Having something for me. That's what this is. Something that isn't stolen with sneaky little fingers reaching for a piece of food, or little feet in my closet searching for dress up shoes. Something for me.
I actually lost the password to the blog and forgot about it. When it showed up in my Facebook feed in past memories today, I decided to try again. So, here we go!
Who's got this (sometimes)?
This Momma! ;)
