I am a person that does well with to-do lists, memos written to myself, apps that organize my day, and journals with a lot of ideas and thoughts. Visual. I am very visual. My DH is audible, he functions better from conversations and is learning the importance of visual things for me. This creates two very different parenting styles. My DH believes the kids should do what they are told, and while I agree, I believe they also need to be shown.
This has presented it's own issues, however, it has had it's biggest impression on having a solid chore routine for the kids. The kids were told the chores they needed to do, and would constantly forget or conveniently forget and then we just had a list of chores undone and a lot of kids grounded. This wasn't good for the kids, our marriage, the entire house. This disagreement in one area gave birth to a lot of problems in other areas as well. There was a lot of contention.
I started coming up with chore charts. These didn't work for many reasons. First, I was the only parent enforcing them. Second, I didn't have time for the accountability piece to check if the chores were completed. Third, if Dad needed something the kids were dropping their chores completely under Dad's direction because he wasn't understanding that they were doing chores. This was difficult!
Next, token charts were used. However, this had the same problem. I didn't have time for the follow through to see if they had done their chores. I also lacked a measurable way of keeping their points or tokens straight, so basically, they earned nothing and eventually saw that their deeds were fruitless. It didn't work.
I then created a jar system. Choose a chore from the jar and do it. Get a few chores done and choose from the praise jar. You would think this would work. However, I had too many differently aged and skilled kids to be able to do this without having three sets of jars. Some of the praise jar items included, "Coloring with Mom," nice idea, but the ability for the time wasn't there. Good intentions don't get things done, and although I had the best of intentions, doing individual things with the kids as they drew them out of the praise jar didn't always work with the schedule. I owed a LOT of praise time and rewards that I was never going to be able to get to.
Now, here we are. My DH is at our ranch managing animals and work while I have 12 of the kids home on my own. Chores need to be done and I am not able to have the time, or energy to do these all on my own and still be expected to parent. Back to the drawing board!
Over the past two years we have tried assigned chores with no visual helps. Since every kid was assigned their chore, taught how to do it, and given a time to do it, it was the most successful routine up until that time. However, the kids started complaining that doing the same chore over and over was boring. They needed a change. Fair enough.
I then thought, "We can change up the chores if we have a system to follow them." The chore pallets were created.
These pallets were hard work to create. The kids had their own note cards that I could write them messages, and they could write me. I could switch out chores on the keyrings and in theory, this was a good idea. The kids started losing the baskets for their pencils, they were all over the house. The keyrings were found throughout the house as well. The kids would think since they lost the keyring they wouldn't be accountable for the chores on it. "I can't do my chores, I don't know where they are." I really believed that this one was going to work, but I didn't foresee the issues that came with this setup.
I went back into research mode. I have learned over the years that I do research well. Rather, I search until I find answers because I really like answers. Researching became a way to find the answers. My DH was surprised to find out that I actually dislike doing research because I appear to be researching a lot. It's not about the research, especially the process, it is about having the answers. Off I went on the great chore system hunt once again.
I have a lot of Pinterest pins on the topic. I have read blog after blog from moms with many kiddos. However, one podcast that I listened to intrigued me. From Raising Arrows the mom called their chores, "Home Blessing Chores." I thought immediately, "I have been coming at this all wrong!" It was the biggest epiphany on this journey to date.
Instead of assigning the kids chores, I was going to create a system in which they are able to participate to bless our home! Our home provides us shelter, keeps us from the not so frequent rain and the never ending hot sun, it keeps our belongings safe from burglars, and most importantly we can grow in love within these walls of our home. We need to come together and take care of this home, this wonderful home.
Now that I had a new foundation for this my brain went to work. It needed to be visual. It needed to be stationary. It needed to be flexible. It needed to cover the kids at all different ability levels. It needed...a LOT.
I thought it would be best if I had laminated cards that were on a metal board so I could use magnets on them to rotate the jobs and move them easily. I knew that there are some daily chores and weekly chores, so I would need to be able to have more than one section for the chores. Also, I knew that my overzealous littles were going to pick harder chores and therefore, a buddy assignment would be necessary to help with some of them. (An opportunity to work together!) I made sure that some of the chores were assigned as buddy chores and that the chores were all assigned a point system. The simple chores are one point and the harder chores are two points. OH GOODNESS!
I started laminating their names, their buddy names, writing chore cards, asking for kid input on the cards, and really trying to get their buy in. If they had a emotional connection, this might just work. My older kids helped the younger kids run the cards through the laminator, and then the little kids were able to attach the magnetic tape to the backs of the cards. It was coming together.
I then went on Offer Up! daily to try and find what I wanted for a metal board. I came across three identical metal boards for only $15, that my DH has informed me are actually shelves. Who cares, they work for what I want. SCORE!
The left board is for the "Home Blessings" that they choose. The middle board is designated for the Home Blessing choices. The right board is for the Home Blessings that have been accomplished. The small pink tags by each name on the left board are the names of their buddies. The kids add up their points and for right now, they are happy with that reward. My 10yo was excited to be able to say, "Today I have 7 points!" There wasn't a question about what the points earn, they are just happy about blessing our home.
We have used this system for a few weeks now and I am amazed! The kids say, "Let's take care of our home!" WHAT? They are excited. Everyone can see who has which Home Blessing and they remind each other. When they ask to watch a documentary, I say, "Have we blessed our home?" The kids are better able to see what needs to be done rather than me having to point everything out. I am no longer nagging, or feeling like I am nagging all of the time.
Time...this has given me the blessing of TIME! I would get ready for bed and then walk around the house and do two hours of work that the kids were assigned to do, or perfectly capable of doing. It made for late bedtimes and a frustrated mom. The other night, I walked through my very clean home and cleaned the window sills and vacuumed the valences. Hold up. Yes, I am able to have time to do extras that have basically, never been done. (Don't judge.) Seven years of dust are gone from the valences! My personal lists that I have are having an opportunity to grow and things I never had time for, I am beginning to have time for...this blog post for instance!
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